Monastery of Silence . . . Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the Abbot said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so." Brother John lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Abbot said to him, "Brother John, you have been here 5 years now, you may speak two words." Brother John replied, "Hard Bed." "I'm sorry to hear that" the Abbot said. "We will get you a better bed." After another 5 years, the Abbot called Brother John. "You may say another two words, Brother John." "Cold Food." said Brother John, and the Abbot assured him that the food would be better in the future. On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbot again called Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today." "I Quit." said Brother John. "It is probably best," replied the Abbot. "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."